Anya (anyaluvsbacon) wrote,

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Things are other than I would have them!!!

I still have no bacon! And worse than that, one of the pigs I live with is sick! The only good thing about Ashes being sick is that now she doesn't run away when I cuddle her. Finally, I have a cuddle buddy! Unfortunately she breathes loudly so sometimes that wakes me up.

I got really cold this winter so I decided to put on a thick layer of hair and fat to keep me warm! But then it got hot in here!

Also, I moved to a new house! And this time, everyone came with me AND I didn't have to ride IN the moving truck!! The only problem is that other, inferior tricolored pig, JACKIE, was in the carrier with me for a whole day! He smells so bad I wouldn't even have wanted to eat bacon if it was offered right then!

That Rayna is such a bitch! She thinks she's queen of the cage or something. Sometimes I'll be just minding my own business, eating hay or sitting on beside Ashes, and Rayna will just come over and start attacking me! I seriously don't understand anything about that pig, from her attitude to her communist sympathies to her moplike hair! I think she caused global warming! Plus, she leaves her poops in MY cuddle cup!

I have a really nice cuddle cup! I have to give the humans props on that one for their good taste. It doesn't have a bacon tray, but other than that, it's everything I could ask for in a cuddle cup, and I can ask for a lot! It's green with a gold design and I think it compliments my big brown eyes very well! Also, it's very soft and it's even big enough for if someone wanted to cuddle with me! Like Ashes, now that she's sick and stuff! But if I get any bacon, she can't share. She's too sick to eat bacon. It would get stuck in her arteries. All the bacon should go directly to me.

My tall mommy has thankfully stopped watching the vampire show with the *shudder* bunny slippers. That was really frightening. I hope I get taken out of the cage more to watch better quality televised entertainment from now on. I mean, I'm not a total yokel like Ashes, who likes to watch wrestling, but I don't want to watch a show where a nice vampire has such frightening slippers either. Maybe there will be shows about bacon on the Food Network. Although really, an entire Bacon Network would be much better. If they ran out of things to show, they could also add in shows about sausage, ham, pork shoulder, chitterlings, etc. I'm not picky. It would be great! They could have travel shows where the host goes to different countries and tries out their bacon. Canadian bacon, pancetta--yum! In fact, I know who would be a great host for that show. I've always wanted to go into showbiz.

Don't you think I would be great on TV? I love to talk and I know the best pose for my pretty face. With my head tilted! Then I look adorably cute and oh-so-fetching! Don't you just want to give me bacon?

As long as nobody tries to give me a manicure and pedicure. If there's one thing I hate, it's Jackie Rayna nail trims! I have a really tragic story about getting my toenail torn off, too. They could make an afterschool special about it.

I guess I better get back to the cage. Ashes isn't going to sit on cuddle herself, you know.
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